Yo se

last night as I went to bed, this one scene from the past resurfaced in my brain, very vividly:

I sit with my larger posse in the MCR and in comes she into the kitchen, looking at me coyly, pointing with her finger for me to come and join her in the privacy of the sink, and that infernal detergent smell. All I want to do at that moment is blow her a well placed fist on the nose (repeatedly). But there are guests to be considered, there is a reputation to be a maintained. So I call out to her from where I am sitting with a theatricality I know I can well possess. "Yo se". And I make the Y sound like a J, to let her know I am in the know about many things, that I am not one to remain in the dark for long (but I was, I was, I am, I am). Glen, the eternal American looks at me congratulatingly and then raises his eyebrows "You sounded like a primadonna right then N." I answer with a theatrical bow. And at that moment I feel, yes, this is the most dramatic moment of my life, the self-possession, the Sophia Loren-like, seen it all, done it all, can't hurt me now pose.
I am on top of the world and am prepared for the worst now, the worst. She comes and sits on the edge of Gerald's seat, somone she never even makes conversation with usually. I can see she is sorry for what has happened, but her happiness, her joy overflows all that, and I can see she can endure all in her happiness, even if she should lose me, she said, the only one who she could really talk to.

I look at Tarik, my German friend, who smiles back at me, and at that moment, I decide to defect.